It's the risk that I'm taking
First off, I would just like to apologize for my lack of posts in the past couple of weeks. I could put the blame on so many things: vacation, work, everyday life, and the list goes on and on. But the truth is, my motivation (for a lot of things) has been at a record low. I’ve been in a state of avoidance- writing included (I’ve rewritten this post so many times) and I hate to admit this, but my prayer life has suffered too. I tell myself to just show up. I go to Daily Mass, go through the motions. I show up to Adoration. In silence, I sat. I open my computer, avoid Microsoft Word. And I think to myself, what’s wrong with me??
This is the conclusion I have reached: I don’t like to be vulnerable. And that’s why I’ve been hardcore avoiding everything. To be vulnerable means to show up and really be seen. The showing up part is easy for me; the being seen part, not so much. To really be seen means the world will be exposed to my faults, my weaknesses, my struggles.
After about a week, I finally let go of this fear of being vulnerable and just let Jesus have it. My conversation with Jesus looked a little like this: look, I’m scared that if I’m vulnerable with you and tell you my struggles, I won’t be enough and you will take away the things that I want. But I’m here, and I’m going to trust you because I have no reason to not. I need you, Jesus.
Through Scripture in Ephesians 3:20-21, He said to me “Now to him who is able to accomplish far more than all we ask or imagine, by the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen”. Through His people, He showed me His love and support. Through Confession, He showed me His gentleness and His mercy. Yes, obvi Jesus knows everything about me, but He wants me to tell Him in my words. And once I did, He made my heart fearless and ready to take on the world with Him.
This is my sweet friend, Chloe! I met her at Bible Study at the beginning of the year. She has become one of my closes friends in KC. We love to go on walks and coffee dates. Whatever we do, we always have heart to hearts. Chloe challenges me in so many ways; one being vulnerability. Recently, we shared one of our heart to hearts about fashion and faith on her podcast, Letters to Women.
Ironically, Chloe helped me grow in my vulnerability when we were on this date (she’s good to me). Just before these pictures were taken, I had a little freak out about how many people were at the coffee shop and what they would think if they say us taking pictures, but she kindly reminded me to be vulnerable. And if she didn’t, we would have never met Lauren (thank you sooo much for taking our pictures and dealing with my diva self)!
Jesus continues to give me a fearless heart, but no resolution to my problem of vulnerability has been shown. But with His help, I’m going to challenge myself to be more vulnerable, so stay tuned for how this little experiment will turn out.
Nothing is more fall than vests and boots! Here is how we made these fall staples our own! I’m wearing a cream vest from j.crew factory, jeans from j.crew, plaid flannel from ll bean (plaid game is still strong), and brown Cole Haan riding boots. Chloe is wearing a military, olive vest from target, a sweater from especially yours, American Eagle jeans, and brown riding boots. Get similar looks to both outfits below!
Again, I’m so sorry for not posting in forever, but I have lots in the queue to share, so stay tuned for more vulnerability! Thank you for reading! And a special thanks to Chloe for a virtuous friendship and her continual “yes” to Jesus! Again, thank you to Lauren (so nice to meet you) for taking our pictures!